Short and Sometimes Sweet

"Believe that Life Is Worth Living, And Your Belief Will Help Create The Fact" Well, the past few weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster. I've had tests for this and tests for that and it has worn me out to be honest. My emotions have been all over the place. From happy and positive to sad and over thinking and everything in between. At last, I have a diagnosis. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is one of the most frustrating, painful, sneaky syndromes that a person can have. One minute I'm fine and happy and the next my legs stop working, or I can't see, or I have to rest. It creeps up on you, hits you when you least expect it and rest has to be your priority whether you're tired or not. My main feeling is one of immense relief if I'm totally honest. Don't get me wrong, I know it's a long road to recovery, and progress can be slow, but my main question was: Is it going to kill me? And the answer to that is a resounding no. After all I've b

"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn" I am writing this blog as a kind of update to my last blog. In it I was waiting to go into hospital for tests on some lumps I found in my breast and under my arm. Well thankfully they are benign at the moment but I have to be vigilant in the future. The tests were a bit uncomfortable and sore but nothing too unpleasant thankfully. I want to thank everyone for their messages of support and love. I'm not out of the woods yet, but I'm getting there. Throat is no better, sweats are no better, and I'm covered in bruises from bloods etc. I missed out on a lot of fun stuff including the "jolly in the Tolly" but I realise my health is more important and there will be other jollies. Still can't help feeling a bit down about it though. I also missed out on the annual Halloween party at work. The staff and the children dress up and have great craic. I am fed up at being fed up.

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. Helen Keller October is Breast Cancer awareness month. I've always been open and honest in my blogs and this one is no different. A few months ago I became ill with a serious bacterial infection. One of the places effected was my boob. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it was horrible and extremely painful. I had very strong antibiotics and for the most part it went away. Then a few weeks ago, I was checking myself and I found two lumps. I honestly thought they would go away and opted to wait and see. Then there was a lot of stuff on twitter about breast cancer awareness and it stuck in my head. Last week I had an appointment for a flu jab with my doctor, and when I went in the first thing she said to me was "You're not well". She checked me over and found that my bacterial infection was back with gusto. My lymph nodes are swollen and painful. Then she asked how my breast was. I said not great

"I miss thee, my Mother! Thy image is still The deepest impressed on my heart." So this week sees the birthday of my youngest child and only girl, Anna. She reaches the ripe old age of 18. A young woman, a grown up in training, but always my little girl. I wish she had a sister but alas it wasn't to be.A necessary sacrifice, but a painful one just the same. It was while I was expecting Anna that I had my first cancer scare, and she likes to think we saved each others lives and she might be right! As is my wont, whenever one of them has a birthday, I think about the events leading up to their birth, and the first moments of looking in this wee person's eyes and wondering what they thought of me and what had just happened to them! I can't believe that 18 years has passed in the blink of an eye. Anna was and still is the apple of my eye. And my mum adored her. I can't help but think of my mum at a time like this and wish she could be here to see the beautif

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”  ―  Gautama Buddha ,  Sayings Of Buddha Well it's been an interesting few weeks. Not all in a good way but such is life. My life has changed in a lot of many ways, and I struggled to cope, but I'm doing well. Some of friends and family know that I've been on my own little time out for a few days. This has helped me to realise my own strength in more ways than one. It is the Anniversary of my life saving surgery. Four years ago I was basically sliced in half and some of my body parts taken away, and some re built. I was very very ill. I've always been told by the medical profession that I never really understood or accepted the enormity of that. And they could well be right. I think I still don't. I've never lived on my own. Never. Not travelled alone, not gone out on my own, not done literally anything on my own. It's crazy but it's the truth. I've n

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars. A lot has happened in the past few weeks. A lot of life changing stuff, serious stuff that has made me stop and think that maybe someone somewhere has a voodoo doll of me and is constantly sticking pins in me. I've had times where I thought I was going crazy, times I've cried myself to sleep, times I've just cried. There's been a pity party going on with my name the only one on the guest list. It's not always easy when relationships break down, especially 30 year old ones. But we'll always be friends no matter what else the future holds.  Stars and references to stars have followed me all my life. So much so that I feel an affinity with them. In work, all the children are given symbols beside their names. This gets them used to recognising their own names and their own belongings. We try to pick symbols that reflect their personality in some way. W

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”—Confucius My last blog post was on 16 May last so I thought it was about time I updated things. As many of you know, my life has thrown some major challenges at me these past few months. The first major challenge was that I took ill last April.  I've spoken on this before, but for those that don't know I was diagnosed with cellulitis that turned into sepsis. It nearly killed me, and only for my daughter Anna nagging me to go to the doctors it would have been fatal. So I thank her for that. I've been on intensive antibiotic therapy since then. It makes me very ill, and at times I can't keep food down but it's got to be done. I have since had 2 relapses which have set me back a lot.                                                       I'm also going through some life changing stuff in my personal life at the moment. Out of respect for my family I'm keeping that private fo

"I shut my eyes in order to see" Because this has been Mental Health week I had decided to write my blog about the various myths being spoken about regarding depression and mental health in general. It's even more poignant now given that a close friend of a family member sadly passed away recently. Sadly she couldn't take the pain any longer. So young, such a shame. Yet again I feel that society is failing our young people, and people with mental health issues in general. I can't remember a time when depression wasn't there. People who have never had it can't really understand it. I guess they can try, and they can be understanding about it but until you actually experience it, I don't think you can truly understand. It's not about sitting around all day crying. Though some people do. In fact some people go from being extremely happy to being extremely sad within minutes. Sometimes when you wake up in the morning you're disappointed to s

So I thought I would write a follow up to my previous blog. An update on how things are with me now. Funny thing is, everything is still more or less the same. I finished one lot of antibiotics and started on a different one. People are surprised to learn that I will be on these for 3 to 6 months at least. It's kind of dawning on some people, perhaps even me, how sick I actually was. The bacterial infection had gone right through my body, and I was at a dangerous point. Luckily I had sense to get medical help when I did. Or I may not have been here to blog at all. The new antibiotics are having an effect on my tummy. I'm off my food, and I'm tired all the time. I'm trying to keep my spirits up and remain positive, but it's difficult. Sleep deprivation doesn't help. I feel really tired and worn out yet when I close my eyes I can't switch off. I'm worried. About the possible long term effects, about my breast, and about every single little thing that you c

Not done one of these in a long long time, but life gets busy and time marches on and before you know it months have passed etc etc. I've not been feeling well for such a long time and to be honest blogging has been way down on my list of things to do.  I've been feeling very very low since before Christmas. I put it down to being busy at work and family stuff that I'm not going to go into just now. I went to the doctor and was told I had a form of mumps and as they were rife in my school I accepted that and took my meds. I felt slightly better when I returned to work in January but still not 100%. And so it continued, me trying to ignore symptoms and carry on while knowing all the time that something more was happening. I had a bad fall a few weeks ago and broke my bottom again. I assumed that the pain was wearing me out. Still I carried on regardless. I'm not one for complaining, so I kept it all to myself. Around this time, I had begun to experience pain in my right