Shine On


I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.

A lot has happened in the past few weeks. A lot of life changing stuff, serious stuff that has made me stop and think that maybe someone somewhere has a voodoo doll of me and is constantly sticking pins in me. I've had times where I thought I was going crazy, times I've cried myself to sleep, times I've just cried. There's been a pity party going on with my name the only one on the guest list. It's not always easy when relationships break down, especially 30 year old ones. But we'll always be friends no matter what else the future holds. 

 Stars and references to stars have followed me all my life. So much so that I feel an affinity with them. In work, all the children are given symbols beside their names. This gets them used to recognising their own names and their own belongings. We try to pick symbols that reflect their personality in some way. When my symbol was picked for me it was of course a star. Shining bright. 
On the anniversary of my mum's death I bought her a star. It somehow gave me comfort to think that "May's Memory Star" was looking down on me, helping me through the darkness.

 Every year at this time it feels like a re birth or a new beginning for me. The start of the new school year. Many moons ago when I was at one of my lowest ebbs, a lady I knew gave my daughter a place at a playgroup. It was a community run one, with lots of parental involvement. She obviously saw something in me, because she offered me a chance to work and educate myself within the playgroup setting. I was badly in need of a break and she gave it to me. The rest as they say is history. I'm the owner and director of that playgroup now and I've just signed up for 2 more years of punishment, I mean pleasure lol. We work with families of all types of backgrounds and stature, and try to help them and maybe give them the chance I was once given. The pay is crap but it's more about the looks on the faces of the families and the eternal gratitude they express. I'm from a rough background myself and will always help those that want to better themselves. Sometimes at the cost of my own well being, but I'm gonna work on that. 
I've always been an honest genuine person. What you see is what you get. I have no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives, no sneaky plans. I'm not by any means perfect and my good nature has been taken advantage of more than once. For someone so intelligent I can be a bit thick sometimes, but hey, admitting it is part of the solution, right? 
So I'm here, on the last weekend before school re opens, knowing that it's going to be a stressful time ahead. But I'll get through it, with some help from my friends. I'll keep plugging away and believing that things will get better. I've had some dark times, but my light will still shine. And it will be blinding. 

 Twinkle Twinkle little Star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle Twinkle little Star
How I wonder what You are

 When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,

How I wonder what you are!

 SharonAnn   

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