Skip to main content

Stand and Stare...


What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

This poem by William H Davis, called Leisure has always been one of my favourites. It has been on my mind a lot lately for a couple of reasons. I thought I might explain them, since a lot of people have asked me. 

As many know, I have grown up children. That may sound like a contradiction in terms, but the fact is they are and always will be your children. Doesn't matter how old or young they are. You love them just as much if they are 2 or 22. Anyhoo, I digress: My eldest, Jamie, is living abroad in Spain for a year. It's part of his degree, and is compulsory. He was able to come home for Easter and we had some fun times. Sadly, he's gone back for 12 weeks and I'm re living the heartbreak all over again. Christmas was the same. I can only describe it as having part of my heart ripped from my chest. It hurts like a mofo. Yes, it's not a million miles away. Yes it's not forever. Yes it has to be done. Yes I'm going to visit him soon. Does any of this really matter to me, his mother? Not a bit of it. You see, common sense doesn't work in this situation. It feels like last week I was making his bottles and changing his nappy. It's not just about the fact I miss our chats and our laughs cause skype helps with that. And I know he still needs me. It feels more like I'm mourning the fact that he will come back and he will have changed. He already has. He now knows the harsh reality of real life. The worry of making ends meet; and paying your bills. He has already admitted that being a grown up sucks. So yea, the real reason I'm so sad is my baby has had to face the reality of real life and it has changed him. As parents our instinct is to protect our children and wrap them in cotton wool and never let anything upset or harm them. The realisation that this is not always possible is very hard to take. My point in all of this? I guess it's that time goes by so very very quickly. Before you know it the same child that fit neatly on one arm is packing a bag to leave. So make your time count. Let them be kids and enjoy them. Help them make the best memories they can possibly have, so when they're feeling overwhelmed they can find comfort in those thoughts and know that you are there as their soft place to fall. Take the time to stop and stare. Stop rushing around trying to do all and be all and give them a most precious gift. Your time.

The second reason I've been thinking of this poem lately is the impending anniversary of my mother's death. 10th April 2008 she was taken from me and it feels like yesterday. I think of all of the events and memories that we shared. She was young when she died, but we shared some fun times. We had a lot of laughs. She helped and guided me with my children and they all had very happy times with her too. Yes we had our differences, but we got through them. I swear, If I hadn't taken the time to stop and enjoy even the little things I would go off my head. I can say, without a doubt that I did everything I possibly could for her and I find comfort in that. I also think of all the memories and events that she hasn't been a part of. It makes me so angry when people are disrespectful to their mam. Her death was sudden and unexpected and I would give anything for her to be here today.

So there you go, it's going to be a tough few days for me but I'l get through it.I'm strong and I'm stubborn just like my mother. If I've learned anything it's this...enjoy the now. Take everything a day at a time. Do what makes you happy, even if it's something as small as having tea and cake with a loved one. Make time for the people you love, and tell them every day. Don't wish your or your kids lives away. Let it happen and enjoy it. All too soon there's no more time to stop and stare, and those goodbyes are the hardest to say.

SharonAnn 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Assumptions

"Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance." Having recently been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I find I have to plan and prepare myself as much as possible for nights out etc. It can be very difficult to stay in all the time, and I get cabin fever quite often. Most times the best I can manage is the short walk to my local. How CFS effects me mostly right now is in my legs. I can't describe to you the actual weariness and drained feelings CFS brings, and no amount of rest really makes a difference. Recently my legs have been feeling the worst of it, and what happens is they simply won't work. Which can be inconvenient to say the least. As a result of this, I was finding that I was falling down stairs quite often. Quite scary for someone with brittle bones. At home I can rest or stay upstairs, so access to the bathroom is not such an issue. But if I'm out, and the bathroom is upstairs, this can cause a major problem. My local pu
Read more

Hide In The Toilet!

So, many people will know by now that I'm not your usual run of the mill person. My philosophy has always been "Why try to be like everyone else when I can be me?" I may have lost my way sometimes due to the various crap that life throws up but I always find my way back. I have two wonderful sons (I can say that now) and a beautiful daughter. I'm quite proud of them, I must say. and I'm quite proud of myself for getting this far without being arrested for murder... Many of my posts on here are serious, and indeed I have been through some serious stuff, but I wanted to write about something funny for a change. I was reminded by my eldest son recently about various incidents that happened when he was in primary school. Jamie was walking at 9 months, diagnosed with ADHD at 12 months and a heart breaker from day one. He was given "Gifted" status as a toddler. Always a difficult thing to keep a child like that out of trouble. One has to think outside the box
Read more

One Day at A Time

Image
                                                                                                                                               "Wake up and Live" It's been over a year since writing here so I guess I'm overdue! It's been a hell of a year for me and not exactly in a good way either. Where do I begin? As many of you know, in 2014 I ended up with sepsis due to not looking after a simple infection I picked up, and only for the stubbornness of my daughter I again might not be here. The residual effects have been with me since then, and in 2016 they reached their peak. I had blackouts, occasions where I lost the use of my legs, numbness in my limbs and various other symptoms that would fill this blog were I to list them. So off I trot to the GP. He treated me for my muscle jerks, complete lack of balance, and eventually sent me to see a specialist. He also took bloods. These bloods showed up a few things. I have a serious blood disorder.
Read more