One Day at A Time
"Wake up and Live"
It's been over a year since writing here so I guess I'm overdue!
It's been a hell of a year for me and not exactly in a good way either.
Where do I begin? As many of you know, in 2014 I ended up with sepsis due to not looking after a simple infection I picked up, and only for the stubbornness of my daughter I again might not be here.
The residual effects have been with me since then, and in 2016 they reached their peak.
I had blackouts, occasions where I lost the use of my legs, numbness in my limbs and various other symptoms that would fill this blog were I to list them.
So off I trot to the GP. He treated me for my muscle jerks, complete lack of balance, and eventually sent me to see a specialist. He also took bloods.
These bloods showed up a few things. I have a serious blood disorder. No idea what it's called yet, but it's there. I also have stage 4 chronic kidney disease. This means that my kidneys only work to around a quarter of their potential. It's progressive, can't be cured, and it's a question of a couple of years until I reach stage 5 or end game. I can of course have dialysis or a kidney transplant before this happens. If I'm lucky. Anyone who has any experience of the medical system in Ireland will know that it's a time consuming wait on a list for everything. No matter how ill you are.
So I'm on a waiting list, to go on the list etc.
The symptoms of this are chronic fatigue, muscle weakness, dizziness, muscle pain, lack of peeing, too much peeing, depression, and brain fog.
The blood disorder has much the same symptoms.
Now I've been told that I am at risk of COPD and have been put on a pill for that.
I live every day with chronic pain. With worry about the future. With anxiety.
I have been signed off and told under no circumstances am I to work.
I've also been told by the government that I don't qualify for any illness payment.
So on top of everything else I have no income and have to rely on my family to support me.
I've worked since I was 13 years old, and never had to rely on anyone in my whole life. My self esteem has hit rock bottom, I get frustrated at having to cancel appointments, cancel time with my friends, and I miss going to work.
Only for the wonderful staff I have in my playschool, my business would also be at rock bottom. I would have to let all those families and their children down.
So here we are. Bang up to date.
You would be forgiven for thinking that I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I'm actually not.
I do have dark moments when I think why me? What about my family? What does my future hold? Do I have a future? But I'm lucky. I have a lovely family who think the world of me. Who help and support me when I need it and cheer me up and get me going when I also need it.
I write my Arsenal columns, I take a lot of joy from the little things in life and I take each day as it comes.
Some days I'm too weak to even keep my eyes open. I'm too dizzy to read. I try to speak and the words in my brain can't come out of my mouth. Some days I sleep right through.
I feel guilty. I feel sad.
But I keep on going. I will keep going and fighting and fighting and fighting.
Every morning I open my eyes, and am grateful for another day.
So if you ask me, I'll always say I'm ok. I've got family and friends that love me, and a stubborn streak that knows no bounds. At the end of the day, it could be worse.
SharonAnn
It's been over a year since writing here so I guess I'm overdue!
It's been a hell of a year for me and not exactly in a good way either.
Where do I begin? As many of you know, in 2014 I ended up with sepsis due to not looking after a simple infection I picked up, and only for the stubbornness of my daughter I again might not be here.
The residual effects have been with me since then, and in 2016 they reached their peak.
I had blackouts, occasions where I lost the use of my legs, numbness in my limbs and various other symptoms that would fill this blog were I to list them.
So off I trot to the GP. He treated me for my muscle jerks, complete lack of balance, and eventually sent me to see a specialist. He also took bloods.
These bloods showed up a few things. I have a serious blood disorder. No idea what it's called yet, but it's there. I also have stage 4 chronic kidney disease. This means that my kidneys only work to around a quarter of their potential. It's progressive, can't be cured, and it's a question of a couple of years until I reach stage 5 or end game. I can of course have dialysis or a kidney transplant before this happens. If I'm lucky. Anyone who has any experience of the medical system in Ireland will know that it's a time consuming wait on a list for everything. No matter how ill you are.
So I'm on a waiting list, to go on the list etc.
The symptoms of this are chronic fatigue, muscle weakness, dizziness, muscle pain, lack of peeing, too much peeing, depression, and brain fog.
The blood disorder has much the same symptoms.
Now I've been told that I am at risk of COPD and have been put on a pill for that.
I live every day with chronic pain. With worry about the future. With anxiety.
I have been signed off and told under no circumstances am I to work.
I've also been told by the government that I don't qualify for any illness payment.
So on top of everything else I have no income and have to rely on my family to support me.
I've worked since I was 13 years old, and never had to rely on anyone in my whole life. My self esteem has hit rock bottom, I get frustrated at having to cancel appointments, cancel time with my friends, and I miss going to work.
Only for the wonderful staff I have in my playschool, my business would also be at rock bottom. I would have to let all those families and their children down.
So here we are. Bang up to date.
You would be forgiven for thinking that I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I'm actually not.
I do have dark moments when I think why me? What about my family? What does my future hold? Do I have a future? But I'm lucky. I have a lovely family who think the world of me. Who help and support me when I need it and cheer me up and get me going when I also need it.
I write my Arsenal columns, I take a lot of joy from the little things in life and I take each day as it comes.
Some days I'm too weak to even keep my eyes open. I'm too dizzy to read. I try to speak and the words in my brain can't come out of my mouth. Some days I sleep right through.
I feel guilty. I feel sad.
But I keep on going. I will keep going and fighting and fighting and fighting.
Every morning I open my eyes, and am grateful for another day.
So if you ask me, I'll always say I'm ok. I've got family and friends that love me, and a stubborn streak that knows no bounds. At the end of the day, it could be worse.
SharonAnn
I admire your bravery Sharon. It can't be easy for you and I hope you get the treatment you need as soon as possible.
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