Vroom Vroom!!!

VROOM VROOM!!!!         

"Never apologise to others for their misunderstanding of who you are"

As many of you know, I have been going to counselling on a weekly basis for around a month now. Initially it was for grief, but I'm finding that how we deal with grief and loss is directly connected to our upbringing and our childhood. Our parents are our first educators and role models, and our behaviour and coping mechanisms good or bad, are directly and implicitly linked. How to break the cycle starts with oneself. We can only change ourselves, and hope others change their attitudes towards us. We are only responsible for our own stuff. My therapist calls it "Driving your own Car"

My last blog was about a friend of mine who was lied to and used by someone she thought she knew. This person read the blog and replied to me by DM. I didn't read the DM for obvious reasons, but it started with the line "I read your bollox blog......"
A very defensive response, trying to slag off my blog.
I didn't respond to his or his wife's subsequent DMs.
The reason for my non reply? I'm done. I have moved on. My friend has moved on. Neither of us have to prove anything to anyone.

So what does it mean to "drive your own car"?
It's an amusing analogy really, but what it means to me is this;
Do your own thing, be kind and considerate where needed, but do what makes you happy. Say no to situations that may drain you, do you. Let others do them, and don't take their stuff on board.

Other people's behaviour is a reflection of them, not you. Their judgements are based on their own insecurities and failings, not yours. Too often we are concerned about what others may think of us. Let them think whatever they want. Once you know your truth that's all that matters.
If we drive our own car, we are going in our own direction, at our own pace, on our own road. We don't usually take passengers but if we do it's on our own terms.

My mum was a terrible worrier. She worried about what people thought of her. She was a very nervous person. I learned this trait very well as a chid and a grown up. Anxiety is a horrible thing, it can rob you of so much if you let it. The fact is, most people are too busy doing their own stuff, driving their own cars, to worry about others and their activities.
In these challenging times, we all have so much to worry about, that we forget to stop and breathe.
I'm going to continue to change my behaviour, to drive my own car, but I'm also going to park up now and then, and take in the beauty the world still has to offer!

SharonAnn