"Oh, What a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive"

Deception" a trick or scheme used to get what you want"


I have been quiet recently, and off social media for the most part.
Various reasons for this include the fact that I'm in a huge flare up and my hands and arms are affected greatly. This limits my typing ability.
I first joined twitter because I was recovering from surgery and being the worst patient in the world,I thought it would alleviate the boredom.
Nine years later I'm grateful for lots of opportunities that I have been given through social media and the friends I have made. I have met some truly wonderful people through there, and without it my business would not be thriving in the manner it is.
There is however a down side. Recently a friend of mine has been going through a rough time because of it andI have been doing my best to help them through it.
"Catfishing" . We've all heard of it. I bet we've all thought it would never happen to us. We all take steps to defend ourselves against this kind of action. We ask for pictures, for proof, for various steps to take place so as the person we are talking to is who they say they are.

So what is Catfishing?
The online definition is The phenomenon of internet predators that fabricate online identities and entire social circles to trick people into emotional/romantic relationships (over a long period of time.)
Who would have the time or the inclination to do that you may ask?
We live in a time when certain people need to look good to the outside world. Where posting pictures of their lives online to make themselves look extra is all that matters. Where they feel in competition with others to look good. If they look good online somehow that makes them more valid or liked or even loved. This of course is bull.
My friend met this guy through twitter. They talked and became friends. She became friends with his family. She did the usual checks to make sure he was who he said he was. She met him, met his friends, and fell for him. He told her all that she wanted to hear. She had been hurt in the past and he promised faithfully that he would never hurt her. She had no reason to believe any different. They were together as much as time would allow. He was looking for jobs so he could move near her and they spoke about moving in together and getting married. Love was in the air.

Earlier this year, around February, she told me that he had missed her birthday. I found certain other things she said kind of suspicious and told her out straight that something was up. She confronted him, they rowed, she ended it. She asked what I thought. I told her that my gut feeling was that he wasn't being honest. So I dug a little deeper. Unknown to my friend I found his facebook page (the real one, not the fake one he had her believe was his.He had blocked her on his real one) and found some posts about a daughter. Not wanting to upset my friend, but also knowing this was difficult. I told her eventually, and she got through it.

All was fine and she was moving on. I was surprised at how quickly she healed but she assured me she was doing well. Then a few weeks ago a bombshell hit. A woman dm her on twitter asking if she knew the guy she was seeing. When my friend asked why the woman replied with the fact that she was his WIFE and they had a THREE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TOGETHER.
My friend had been in a relationship with this guy for 5 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He had cheated on her the WHOLE TIME. Of course my friend was upset. More so at the fact that she had done everything possible to make sure she wasn't being taken for a fool.
She blamed herself for maybe being gullible. The fact of the matter is, THIS IS ALL ON HIM.
HE IS TO BLAME FOR EVERYTHING. She told his wife everything, and of course he denied it all. My friend was going to send the wife proof etc but I convinced her otherwise. If his wife believes him, if his wife takes him back, then that's all on her. My friend has done nothing wrong. She doesn't have to prove anything to anyone. He has deliberately set out to deceive and hurt everyone, including his little girl. (BTW, he was 'with' my friend while his wife was pregnant and suffering. Then went back to his wife like nothing happened)

So as you can see, my trust in social media has taken a battering over the last few weeks. All I can say is be careful. (This guy owns one of the biggest accounts on twitter)
But, at the end of the day, if someone wants to pretend to be someone they are not online, there is nothing we can do. Minding ourselves online can only go so far. If someone wants to abuse our trust, IT'S ON THEM. The same way if someone wants to cheat in real life, they'll find a way. AND IT'S ON THEM. A cheat is a cheat is a cheat. and remember, IF THEY DO IT WITH YOU, THEY'LL DO IT TO YOU.

SharonAnn x

ps; Just an fyi;I'm no longer writing for the Arsenal Forum