"Do not Dwell in the Past, Do Not Dream of the Future, Concentrate the Mind on the Present Moment"


Just thought I would update my friends on what's been happening lately. Some might have noticed that I'm not online as much as I used to be. It's been a mixture of being ill, being on new meds, and being a bit fed up with the negativity I see. It's strange, sometimes no matter how hard you try to let stuff go, it gets to you. Especially when your spirit might feel a bit battered and bruised. Only thing for it is to take a step back and get your head clear.

So my health hasn't been great and my fight to be heard has been long and tiring. The latest round of tests have shed a little more light on the subject. One of the things will mean surgery, but I'm putting that off for now to concentrate on the main focus. My symptoms, varied as they are, all put together have pointed to one thing. Multiple Sclerosis. I have been started on meds to control spasms and pain and face a long road to getting the balance right. The meds have various different side effects, and are making me feel very sleepy. At the moment I have little or no concept of day/night/routine and of course I'm not working. I miss my little people and hope to get back to see them before Christmas. I love arranging the Christmas party for them and being Santa's helper and I'm hopeful that I will be well enough to do it this year. I am very lucky to be surrounded by people who love me, and at last I'm finally getting somewhere with doctors. I'm off all meds for depression and despite all this I actually feel quite positive. It's a very dark place to be ill, and to not know why. To have a diagnosis is the first step on the road to getting better. People's first reaction is to tell me that I'm very unfortunate, but I'm not. I'm loved and cherished and this gives me the inner strength to cope with the dark times.

This week I'm determined to make my annual trip to germany. I know it's crazy, but I'm going. I'm grabbing life by the balls and if he doesn't like it? Tough. I'm looking forward to the lights and sounds and the smells of the markets, the freezing cold on my cheeks, and having a proper german beer or two. The time for sweating the small stuff has long since passed. There are more important things now than football matches and Wenger out or Wenger in. So long as I have the love and support of the people that matter, and that certain someone keeping that glint in my eye, I feel like the luckiest Spicy ever!

SharonAnn x

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