Pain in the Brain
“Of pain you could wish only one thing: that it should stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain there are no heroes.”
― 1984
I've been quiet. By choice mostly, but not wholly.
On 3rd January last I had a fit. I hesitate to call it a seizure, as it was very tame by most standards but I guess that's what it was. Brought on by stress, and a new and eager gp's optimism I guess.
Stress- we all do it. Stress is a self made thing, a pressure we put on ourselves to be better. My stress? Brought on by the fact my car was broken into while I was visiting my dad's grave at Christmas. Every single piece of personal identification was stolen along with my phone, money, personal diary. I had no evidence that I existed. yet here I was. The stress? Why did I park there? Why did I leave my stuff in the car? Why me? Are they watching me? All compounded by the fact I was receiving strange notifications and messages. Everyone has their breaking point and I had reached mine.
The after effects of my fits are chronic fatigue and migraine. So afterwards I slept for about 15 hours and woke up with a bitch of a migraine. Took my meds and thought no more. You see, when it happens often one tends to just do what usually works and carry on.
This time it didn't work. The pain in my head was dreadful. I couldn't concentrate on anything, except pulling out my own eyes and brain and stopping this goddamn pain.
A trip to the gp happened. I explained how I had a fit and since then my head hurt a lot.
Fibromyalgia has many many triggers and symptoms. Tiredness in me triggers migraines, migraines trigger fibro, fibro triggers tiredness and so on. So we decided to tackle it head on. An SSRI to help with pain and stress, and painkillers to try help me sleep. I started on the SSRI immediately and felt very ill. Head was worse and I was vomiting. Then the diarrhoea started.
My head was getting worse and worse. At this point I wanted to literally die. The pain was incredible. I don't have the words to describe it. I would have walked under a bus to stop it. Back I go to the gp.
At this point three months had passed. Imagine being in this kind of pain for three months. I hadn't slept in forty nights.
The gp was kind of worried, kind of trying to stay logical with this woman in front of him who was crying and distraught and wanted to die with this pain.
"Serotonin Syndrome" is all I can remember hearing. A change of meds, keep hydrated, stay off ALL medication that can increase your serotonin, rest, go to the hospital. I was determined I wasn't going to any hospital so stayed in bed, did what I was told and only for the care and support of my family I wouldn't have made it.
Imagine the worst kind of nerve pain, like a bad tooth with an abscess on it, and that human urge to want to rip that tooth straight out of your mouth. Now translate it to your brain. Now imagine that everything you take that's meant to help with that pain makes it worse. And you're half way there to imagining the pain I experienced. I came so close to dying, and I welcomed it because the pain was so intense. It wasn't a want to die, it was a want to stop this pain.
It took four to six weeks for me to be anything like human again. I'm still having the pain and the chronic fatigue. I'm doing my best to get through the days as best I can.
I'm slowly getting better. Screen times have to be limited as they aggravate the migraines.
Part of me is bored with the minutia that people on social media get enraged and offended about, but I've got good friends on there so I'll keep it.
All I can say is I'm thankful that I'm still here, still plugging away at life.
So many medications, both on prescription and over the counter (inc homeopathic) contain ingredients that can have an effect on the serotonin levels in your brain. All of the meds that I took were prescribed for me and almost killed me. It would have been put down to an accidental overdose. Many famous people have died from the same. I will have to be careful in future to monitor the levels in my meds. It was a narrow escape. Another one!
SharonAnn x
― 1984
I've been quiet. By choice mostly, but not wholly.
On 3rd January last I had a fit. I hesitate to call it a seizure, as it was very tame by most standards but I guess that's what it was. Brought on by stress, and a new and eager gp's optimism I guess.
Stress- we all do it. Stress is a self made thing, a pressure we put on ourselves to be better. My stress? Brought on by the fact my car was broken into while I was visiting my dad's grave at Christmas. Every single piece of personal identification was stolen along with my phone, money, personal diary. I had no evidence that I existed. yet here I was. The stress? Why did I park there? Why did I leave my stuff in the car? Why me? Are they watching me? All compounded by the fact I was receiving strange notifications and messages. Everyone has their breaking point and I had reached mine.
The after effects of my fits are chronic fatigue and migraine. So afterwards I slept for about 15 hours and woke up with a bitch of a migraine. Took my meds and thought no more. You see, when it happens often one tends to just do what usually works and carry on.
This time it didn't work. The pain in my head was dreadful. I couldn't concentrate on anything, except pulling out my own eyes and brain and stopping this goddamn pain.
A trip to the gp happened. I explained how I had a fit and since then my head hurt a lot.
Fibromyalgia has many many triggers and symptoms. Tiredness in me triggers migraines, migraines trigger fibro, fibro triggers tiredness and so on. So we decided to tackle it head on. An SSRI to help with pain and stress, and painkillers to try help me sleep. I started on the SSRI immediately and felt very ill. Head was worse and I was vomiting. Then the diarrhoea started.
My head was getting worse and worse. At this point I wanted to literally die. The pain was incredible. I don't have the words to describe it. I would have walked under a bus to stop it. Back I go to the gp.
At this point three months had passed. Imagine being in this kind of pain for three months. I hadn't slept in forty nights.
The gp was kind of worried, kind of trying to stay logical with this woman in front of him who was crying and distraught and wanted to die with this pain.
"Serotonin Syndrome" is all I can remember hearing. A change of meds, keep hydrated, stay off ALL medication that can increase your serotonin, rest, go to the hospital. I was determined I wasn't going to any hospital so stayed in bed, did what I was told and only for the care and support of my family I wouldn't have made it.
Imagine the worst kind of nerve pain, like a bad tooth with an abscess on it, and that human urge to want to rip that tooth straight out of your mouth. Now translate it to your brain. Now imagine that everything you take that's meant to help with that pain makes it worse. And you're half way there to imagining the pain I experienced. I came so close to dying, and I welcomed it because the pain was so intense. It wasn't a want to die, it was a want to stop this pain.
It took four to six weeks for me to be anything like human again. I'm still having the pain and the chronic fatigue. I'm doing my best to get through the days as best I can.
I'm slowly getting better. Screen times have to be limited as they aggravate the migraines.
Part of me is bored with the minutia that people on social media get enraged and offended about, but I've got good friends on there so I'll keep it.
All I can say is I'm thankful that I'm still here, still plugging away at life.
So many medications, both on prescription and over the counter (inc homeopathic) contain ingredients that can have an effect on the serotonin levels in your brain. All of the meds that I took were prescribed for me and almost killed me. It would have been put down to an accidental overdose. Many famous people have died from the same. I will have to be careful in future to monitor the levels in my meds. It was a narrow escape. Another one!
SharonAnn x
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