Short and Sometimes Sweet

“Imagine  smiling after a slap in the face. Then think of doing it twenty-four hours a day.” Today is a bad bad pain day. A number 10 on the pain scale to be precise. It must be bad because for me to admit to that is huge. I was brought up to be strong, to never let anything get to you, to fight it. To show emotion or admit to being unable to cope was frowned upon. Hard to work out when you’re also blessed with being an empath. Something I’ve only recently discovered about myself. As a child I was taught if you fall down, you get back up no matter what. I don’t use this philosophy with my own children. I know to my cost that it’s counter productive at best. I had three children without any pain relief, and just gritted my teeth and got through it. I got through two clashes with cancer. One whilst pregnant and another where I literally had to be cut in half to fix it. I had never known pain like it. I gritted my teeth and continued to be that “brave soldier”. I wouldn’t r...

Arsenal v Newcastle Emirates Stadium  3pm Sat 16 Dec After limping blindly through our last couple of premier league matches we now face Newcastle at home. This fixture usually sees a lot of drama and this one will be no exception.  Newcastle are having mixed results lately, and are in a kind of limbo regarding ownership. I can’t abide Mike Ashley, his kind of money throwing was the start of the end of football as we know it, and I can only feel a sense of karma served at his situation right now.  Matters off the pitch no doubt effect those on the pitch and the saga continues for the Magpies. I only hope the buyers are decent and hold on to the traditions that a club like Newcastle deserve. Anyway, onto matters on the pitch and the situation with Arsenal.  We are again playing the all possession and no penetration football that seems de rigueur for us at this time of the year.  Our possession of the ball and shots at goal ...

"Your Illness does not define you, your strength and courage does" Having not blogged on here since April, I felt it was about time for an update. In my defence, I've been very unwell and the last thing on my mind was writing; However, I have remembered my reason for writing my thoughts down and have decided to try to put into words what has been happening thus far. To summarise and refresh, I had a full hysterectomy in 2010. I wasn't quite finished having babies but the need to be around for the ones that do have outweighed the need for that to have more. The nastiness found in the lining of my womb, my kidneys, my bladder, etc confirmed this was the right decision. However, it had already taken it's toll in the way of messing up my immune system and I contracted a very unpleasant dose of sepsis in 2014. I never fully recovered, and after various episodes of passing out, dizziness, unbearable pain, and general confusion I decided to go the the doctor. My...

                                                                                                                                               "Wake up and Live" It's been over a year since writing here so I guess I'm overdue! It's been a hell of a year for me and not exactly in a good way either. Where do I begin? As many of you know, in 2014 I ended up with sepsis due to not looking after a simple infection I picked up, and only for the stubbornness of my daughter I again might not be here. The residual effects have been with me since then, and in 2016 they reached their peak. I had blackouts, occasions where I lost t...

"The Brain is Wider Than The Sky" The brain is a wonderful thing most of the time. It's responsible for the workings of the human body and without it we cease to be. I'm not that fond of my brain right now to be honest though. It plays tricks on me. I can remember a whole host of useless information mainly due to my interest in every type of general knowledge quiz, yet I forget things like my friend's name. My friend who I talk to all day every day, and is always in my thoughts. I forget what day of the week it is, and when I try to figure it out I get them jumbled. I have on occasion forgotten how to tell the time. I tell people things and halfway through I see 'that' look on their faces that tells me they've heard the story already. Or alternatively I forget I'm having a conversation with them and only upon seeing the expectant look on their faces realise that I was. I forget words, names, things, names of things, appointments and a whole ...

“ So the fact that I’m me and no one else is one of my greatest assets. Emotional hurt is the price a person has to pay in order to be independent.”  I thought I'd write something about recent events and in mulling them over it lead me to think about other stuff and that in turn lead me to think of others and so here I am;  I recently decided to go away for a couple of days break. A well earned and hard fought for break. Things have been pretty crap for me lately between me being ill, members of my family being ill and people I love being ill. Not your regular run of the mill illnesses oh no, no half measures for us. I finally started to feel better and thought I'd have some time with my daughter and my friend. In the week running up to it I've been hit with a 6,500 euro bill for back rent, and a tax bill of over 1,600 euro, an interview about my illness payments and a stomach infection, and last but not least a brain and CT scan. So I thought the break would do me go...

" Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is  worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when  it goes in search of its dream." Paolo Coelho Internal Dialogue Inner dialogue....We've all got one. Not the losing your marbles type of talking to yourself, but that voice in our heads that we know is there, whether we like to admit it or not. The devil on one shoulder, the angel on the other.  On one of my many therapy sessions we spoke about my inner dialogue. people who have been bullied or abused tend to have that dialogue, that used their abuser's voice. It's where the saying that if you're told something often enough you believe it comes from. You repeat and repeat in their voice and before long it's your truth. I've spoke to many friends since and they've agreed.  People suffering with depression can over think and over think and when you're in that negative spiral it's a very difficult thing to com...