Short and Sometimes Sweet

                                                                                                                                               "Wake up and Live" It's been over a year since writing here so I guess I'm overdue! It's been a hell of a year for me and not exactly in a good way either. Where do I begin? As many of you know, in 2014 I ended up with sepsis due to not looking after a simple infection I picked up, and only for the stubbornness of my daughter I again might not be here. The residual effects have been with me since then, and in 2016 they reached their peak. I had blackouts, occasions where I lost t...

"The Brain is Wider Than The Sky" The brain is a wonderful thing most of the time. It's responsible for the workings of the human body and without it we cease to be. I'm not that fond of my brain right now to be honest though. It plays tricks on me. I can remember a whole host of useless information mainly due to my interest in every type of general knowledge quiz, yet I forget things like my friend's name. My friend who I talk to all day every day, and is always in my thoughts. I forget what day of the week it is, and when I try to figure it out I get them jumbled. I have on occasion forgotten how to tell the time. I tell people things and halfway through I see 'that' look on their faces that tells me they've heard the story already. Or alternatively I forget I'm having a conversation with them and only upon seeing the expectant look on their faces realise that I was. I forget words, names, things, names of things, appointments and a whole ...

“ So the fact that I’m me and no one else is one of my greatest assets. Emotional hurt is the price a person has to pay in order to be independent.”  I thought I'd write something about recent events and in mulling them over it lead me to think about other stuff and that in turn lead me to think of others and so here I am;  I recently decided to go away for a couple of days break. A well earned and hard fought for break. Things have been pretty crap for me lately between me being ill, members of my family being ill and people I love being ill. Not your regular run of the mill illnesses oh no, no half measures for us. I finally started to feel better and thought I'd have some time with my daughter and my friend. In the week running up to it I've been hit with a 6,500 euro bill for back rent, and a tax bill of over 1,600 euro, an interview about my illness payments and a stomach infection, and last but not least a brain and CT scan. So I thought the break would do me go...

" Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is  worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when  it goes in search of its dream." Paolo Coelho Internal Dialogue Inner dialogue....We've all got one. Not the losing your marbles type of talking to yourself, but that voice in our heads that we know is there, whether we like to admit it or not. The devil on one shoulder, the angel on the other.  On one of my many therapy sessions we spoke about my inner dialogue. people who have been bullied or abused tend to have that dialogue, that used their abuser's voice. It's where the saying that if you're told something often enough you believe it comes from. You repeat and repeat in their voice and before long it's your truth. I've spoke to many friends since and they've agreed.  People suffering with depression can over think and over think and when you're in that negative spiral it's a very difficult thing to com...

"Your Identity Is Your Most Valuable Possession, Protect It" It's been a crap few months, infection after infection, antibiotics that make one feel worse before they make one feel better, and trying to find a level of my MS meds that suit and work and don't make me worse has been rather crappy to say the least. Added to that my liver issues and gall bladder issues and family issues and work issues and you're halfway there. Yeah there's lots of people out there fighting battles and I'm sure they're worse than any I'm fighting, but when life becomes one long round of being ill, taking meds, being more ill, worrying if you go out for a walk on your own will you be ok, wanting to go places but not being able to due to being ill, it's difficult to see the light. I have felt like I was drowning in it all, like I was in way over my head and lost. It's a very draining feeling, that lost feeling. I've felt it lots of times before due to de...

"Do not Dwell in the Past, Do Not Dream of the Future, Concentrate the Mind on the Present Moment" Just thought I would update my friends on what's been happening lately. Some might have noticed that I'm not online as much as I used to be. It's been a mixture of being ill, being on new meds, and being a bit fed up with the negativity I see. It's strange, sometimes no matter how hard you try to let stuff go, it gets to you. Especially when your spirit might feel a bit battered and bruised. Only thing for it is to take a step back and get your head clear. So my health hasn't been great and my fight to be heard has been long and tiring. The latest round of tests have shed a little more light on the subject. One of the things will mean surgery, but I'm putting that off for now to concentrate on the main focus. My symptoms, varied as they are, all put together have pointed to one thing. Multiple Sclerosis. I have been started on meds to control spa...

The Ghost of Christmas Past "Christmas isn't a season. It's a feeling." Christmas is nearly upon us once again, and in this time of violence and bombing it seems as if the 'season of goodwill' is further away than ever. In the wake of the recent attacks all over the world, there will be many an empty space at the Christmas table. Indeed closer to home too there seems to be more homeless and poor people than ever, and governments are less and less likely to act on solutions, thus the problem is exacerbated year after year.  Recent media coverage of food banks etc made me think back to a long time ago, a memory that I had all but forgotten about, yet was still lurking there in the annals of my past.  When my boys were babies we lived in a basement flat. A hideous dark dank place that we did our best to keep nice. One morning we woke up to find the electrics had gone on fire. The mix of damp and dodgy had finally taken it's toll. No working...