Assumptions

"Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance."


Having recently been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I find I have to plan and prepare myself as much as possible for nights out etc. It can be very difficult to stay in all the time, and I get cabin fever quite often. Most times the best I can manage is the short walk to my local. How CFS effects me mostly right now is in my legs. I can't describe to you the actual weariness and drained feelings CFS brings, and no amount of rest really makes a difference. Recently my legs have been feeling the worst of it, and what happens is they simply won't work. Which can be inconvenient to say the least. As a result of this, I was finding that I was falling down stairs quite often. Quite scary for someone with brittle bones. At home I can rest or stay upstairs, so access to the bathroom is not such an issue. But if I'm out, and the bathroom is upstairs, this can cause a major problem. My local pub has their bathroom upstairs and yes I've fallen both up and down them. Not through alcohol I hasten to add. They also have a disabled toilet downstairs. So for safety sake I decided to use that one. Plus the staff don't have an issue with it, so happy days; or so I thought. 
Last Saturday was the latest in a string of incidents that have occurred regarding my use of this bathroom. I've never known people to be so cold and callous and deliberate in their objections to me using this bathroom. It's both hurtful and upsetting. Because outwardly I don't have any visible signs of anything wrong, they assume that I'm lazy, or drunk, or both. Some are more discreet than others in their objections. One time a few weeks ago I got the key for the bathroom as it is usually locked. I opened the door and did what one does, and came back to my seat. I called the staff member over and handed the key back. At the same time the man at the next table (I won't use the term gentleman as he obviously wasn't one) and rather loudly declared to all who would listen that I was perfectly able bodied and in no way disabled and had no right to use that bathroom. I was mortified. I fully realise that there are plenty of people out there much worse than me and I'm very lucky. I never have and never will ask for special treatment, but this got me angry. Very very angry. 
I will admit I lost my temper in a very unladylike manner. I asked him what business it was of his what bathroom I use, and he doesn't know me but he's judging me, and so on. It wasn't pleasant. I was so upset, and felt degraded. This wasn't the first time, and it won't be the last I'm sure. I read today where similar things have happened to other people who have no outward signs of disability. We like to think we're inclusive but actually attitudes like this mean we're not. My experiences have been with the older generation, but I'm not saying that it is exclusive to them. Prejudice and discrimination are wrong on every level, and at every age group. I will get better. It might take a while, but my illness is not permanent and is not life threatening. I feel for those out there that will not get better, that will have to face this attitude every day for the rest of their lives. Prejudice is not something we're born with, it's a learned behaviour. In my school, we often have children who are challenged. The other children might ask questions, but once they're answered in a factual way they're happy to mix and play together. It's the same with skin colour. They don't see it as being any different. They just want to play, and chat and be happy. 
All of this recent furore regarding racism is so sad. Why can't we just accept people as humans, with the same wants and needs? Judge not lest ye be judged. Please don't assume that because a young woman looks able bodied and healthy on the outside, that she is perfectly healthy. Don't assume that the person that collapsed on the street is an alcoholic, they might be diabetic or epileptic. Life is hard enough without having to fight assumptions. True, there are people out there with nefarious intentions, but let's be better than that. If we block out everyone then we're going to miss the ones with good intentions too, and that's not good at all. 

SharonAnn